


discountenance ||| keith kogane x reader/OC

by moltenvintagelacedress



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Break Up, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Empathy, F/M, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Smut, but like........................not really, just graphic descriptions of sex, keith is a fuckin bitch, when is he not tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 01:39:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12288501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moltenvintagelacedress/pseuds/moltenvintagelacedress
Summary: It was a nightly occurence. We’d sleep together, not really thinking about feelings or consequences. It was after dinner one night, after countless nights of talking and feeling and vulnerability. Sex is vulnerable, of course, but in a different way. In an easier-to-cope way for me personally.





	discountenance ||| keith kogane x reader/OC

**Author's Note:**

> if you read this before i rewrote it- im sorry for how bad it was.   
> if you havent read my yuri x reader fic- i like having names instead of using a placeholder just because its easier to write. plus nova is an actual OC of mine whOops but yall can just replace it with ur name or ac oc name

It was a nightly occurence. We’d sleep together, not really thinking about feelings or consequences. It was after dinner one night, after countless nights of talking and feeling and vulnerability. Sex is vulnerable, of course, but in a different way. In an easier-to-cope way for me personally. 

It was true; I had a fucking crush on Keith Kogane. I had been a co-pilot for Allura after the whole shit-show with the Lions and Voltron. It was exciting, much more worth my time than the Garrison, and I soon grew to be friends with all of the Paladins.

Keith was somebody I deemed off-limits; he was closed-off and I knew I couldn’t deal with trying to break open an infrangible shell of anybody, not again, but it was in-fucking-evitable.

It started after I saw him training late. He was drenched in sweat, and continued fighting the simulation even after hours of failure and close-calls. I watched for a while outside the door before actually walking in, and I didn’t really have a plan when I did either. I just knew it wasn’t healthy.

“You’re done, Keith.” I’d walked in after he’d completed a simulation, my arms crossed and eyes bored. 

“Oh, fuck off, Nova,” Keith closed his eyes and laid back on the ground, sweating madly and breathing so heavily he was almost wheezing.

“Maybe later, but right now you need to fucking chill and rest.” I grabbed his bayard and his forgotten jacket, waiting for him to realize I wasn’t going to let up and get up.

“Come on. You can come back and train however long you want tomorrow, but you’re gonna kill yourself if you keep doing this.” Sighing, he waited a moment before he begrudgingly got up and followed me out.

The walk to the kitchen was silent as he caught his breath. This wasn’t the first time I had seen him over-work himself like that, nor the last. He almost always came up and trained till past midnight, long past the time everyone else was asleep and long past the time he should be up.

“Why are you doing this?” Keith’s voice carried across the empty kitchen, making me look up and notice the heavy bags under his eyes.

“Because you’re doing too much, Keith. You need to chill, man,” I sighed before grabbing some of the space goo Hunk had made earlier and left out for me and handed it to him.

“Eat up,” I leaned on the counters while he ate, not really caring to make small talk but also not willing to let up just yet. When I turned back around, he was looking at me with his plate clean.

I gave a mock look of surprise, grinning slightly. “Wow. You actually listened to somebody for once about something concerning self-help?”

“Fuck off,” He muttered, taking a sip of some water I set out with the goo as I walked around to sit next to him.

“Again, maybe later, but right now you need to take care of yourself,” It was silent again. Just like when I called him out of the training deck, I didn’t honestly know what I was doing; I just happened to walk past the training deck during my walk and worried about him.

“Jesus Christ,” He shook his head, and that was the end of it. I got him to bed not too long afterwards, leaving after knowing for sure he wouldn’t leave again. Part of being a co-pilot was also that I had to look over the Paladins, primarily because Allura and Coran generally got everything done smoothly during the day.

From then on I checked in on him almost every night, forcing him out of the training deck after eleven o’clock and, somehow along the way, we became friends. It was easier to get him to talk to me, and easier to get him to stop training. After a month, I was closest to him than anyone, and people noticed.

“So, what, are you two fucking?” Lance asked after training one day, all of the Paladins plus me sitting down in th

e lounge. I was resting my head on Keith’s lap, something I knew would usually upset him, but we were both tired and I wanted a pillow.

“Excuse me?” Keith asked, and I opened my eyes with a jolt as I registered what Lance said. I knew he joked a lot, sometimes offensively, but he usually wasn’t this brash. Pidge and Hunk both looked uncomfortable, clearly sensing the mounting tension, and Shiro was about to reprimand Lance when I spoke up.

“You know, Lance,” I started, rubbing my eyes and taking my head off of Keith’s lap. “Not everybody shows their affection by make-out sessions and handjobs. And not everybody who’s close to a person is fucking them.”

Lance raised his hands defensively.

“That’s not what I’m saying, and it’s definitely not just me who’s been thinking it.”

“That’s exactly what you’re saying Lance, fuck off,” With a roll of my eyes I laid back down, closing my eyes and feeling Keith’s hand rub up and down my arm.

Right as Lance stood up to shout something back, Shiro interrupted. “That’s enough, Nova. If you and Lance have issues, talk about it somewhere that isn’t here. In front of everybody.”

With a huff, I shook my head and stood up, walking out with one special finger up for everyone to see. 

Since that moment, everyone was wary to ask questions concerning Keith and I. I think that’s why we didn’t stop anything, or notice that anything was changing between us. I mean- of course we  _ knew, _ but not until the last moment.

More often than not, he wasn’t training anymore, preferring to sit and talk with me about anything. It wasn’t generally existential, mainly just venting about stuff. We both had issues that we hadn’t ever really talked about- and we were willing to listen.

The dinner that changed everything wasn’t different. We sat next to each other, as usual, and there was Lance and Pidge and Hunk all talking loudly and animatedly, and everything gave off an aura of family. Nothing was really the catalyst- we were just heading to my room afterwards, talking quietly when he just stopped, and kissed me. 

The morning after was quiet. Despite the fact we both consented, it was a shock to us both to realize just how much our relationship was changing. Whether we were going to become an item, or whatever the fuck Lance would call it, or if this was just a one-time thing. It wasn’t.

We both became more publicly affectionate, which was definitely a curse later on, and more often than not we didn’t talk late at night. There were no more feelings in it anymore- only sex. There was some love sprinkled here in there, of course, and I know Keith  _ never _ meant to hurt me, but losing the emotion ruined me.

For a while, I thought it was my fault. Maybe I was too headstrong or too demanding; maybe I had made him think I was only in it for the sex. But that month and a half of talking to him, of breaking past the too-thick walls to find out that he only wanted me for my body- that hurt. I never brought it up, either; there wasn’t any point. It was a decision between either having Keith to sleep with or not at all, and I would rather hurt than not have him.

Shiro found out one night when Keith and I were in the lounge, me laying on his lap while he brushed his hand through my hair. This was at the beginning, when there was still talking. We were just talking about a book he read and he leaned down to kiss me, right as Shiro walked in.

He sat down with us moments later, talking about how he wouldn’t say anything but if anything went wrong and we started arguing or anything like that, there would be consequences. Keith and I agreed, both of us mature enough to not let a breakup cause petty drama.

Right now though, realizing just how much time had passed between then and now and how nothing had changed compared to at the very beginning, how we hadn’t had any conversations in weeks, that the only thing I heard him say to me outside of training was dirty words and praises and my named moaned out- I knew I couldn’t do this anymore.

Keith never hurt me, and I knew that, but I couldn’t believe I let myself into this mess in the first place. That Keith had only thought of me as an easy fuck, I think that was the saddest thing.

I confronted him about it during dinner one night, not feeling well enough to eat and shaking so heavily out of fear of the aftermath.

“Hey,” I said softly, looking down at my hands. “Can I talk to you? Alone?”

Keith looked at me quickly, before we both excused ourselves from dinner. Shiro gave us a warning look as we walked out, but I just sent him a nod as I followed Keith out.

We sat on the couches in the lounge. Lance’s raucous laughter carried over to us from the dining room, and I sighed before turning to him.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Keith stiffened beside me, and I saw his hands clench onto his jeans.

“I can’t do this, Keith. Not when you’re not even talking to me anymore and not when the only thing we do anymore is fuck. It’s exhausting, looking back at that first month and knowing I was falling for you, and thinking it’d all work out.”

Neither of us said anything for a while, letting the words mingle and ferment in the air before commencing the end of us.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was quiet, cautious. I saw the way he was trying to make his hands stop shaking.

“I know you are, and I don’t think that’s what you were getting out of this but- this hurts. Because you don’t think of me the same way I do you. And I didn’t stop this sooner.”

I made him look up, and that’s when I saw the tears. Keith never really cried, not when he was talking through things or thinking about anything. I wiped them away, shaken but not relenting. 

“I’m so sorry, Keith. But I want to slow down. That is, if you want to.” I could feel myself starting to cry too, and I tried to smile at him. “I still want to be friends, if that’s any consolation.”

Before I could say anything else, he stood up suddenly, shaking his head and heading up the stairs. I knew where he was going, that wretched training deck, but I couldn’t help him right now. 

As I calmed down, I headed back into the dining room, and things got silent when everyone started to notice my red eyes and Keith’s absence.

“It’s nothing, I promise you, he’s fine.” I told everyone, looking at all of them, but Shiro the longest. I knew what he was thinking. I gave a slight nod, and his eyes fell to his plate.

“We just had some things to talk over.” My explanation was cryptic, not even an explanation really, and in all honesty it wouldn’t surprise me if they knew what had happened. After all, it was quite obvious the next day when we avoided each other and with the... argument, that happened later on.

I skipped breakfast the next morning, staying in my bed and going through things Keith had given me. There wasn’t much, as Keith didn’t have many possessions in the first place, but every little thing he gave me meant something. He once left an old t-shirt of his in my room, and he never came to get it back; I liked to wear it after the sex and honestly it was just nice to have something of his.

“Nova,” Shiro knocked at my door, making me jump and look up. 

“Let me in. We need to talk.”

With a sigh, I got up, leaving the shirt on my bed as I padded over to the door. Shiro was the leader, meaning any personal issues between Paladins were also issues between him. I’d grown to look at him like an older brother and couldn’t help but grow closer to him throughout the past few months.

When I opened the door, Shiro looked… beaten, and it seemed as if he was just as happy about the break up as Keith or I were.

“I’m so sorry, Nova, I’m sorry things didn’t work out.” He pulled me into a long needed hug, and before I could stop myself, tears started silently down my cheeks.

I shook my head and gave him a soft smile before ushering him inside. I’d changed into my clothes for training, as I didn’t really plan on skipping, but my hair was a mess and it was obvious that personal hygiene was the last thing on my mind.

“Keith is angry,” Shiro started, taking a seat on my chair. “I don’t know what happened and he won’t tell me or anybody else, and I won’t ask you either for the specifics but I do need to know one thing- is this just temporary, or do you think it’s permanent?”

I sat quietly for a moment. In all honesty I wasn’t too sure; if Keith wanted to give this another go in the future, after I get over him or if something changed in both of us, I would be okay with that. I wanted to stay friends with him, wanted to keep him near to me because I adored his company, but I don’t think that was all too possible.

“Temporary, I think,” I told him, nodding my head quickly. “I mean, Keith is going to stay mad for a while, but I do think we can work this out. Even if that just means we’re only friends from now on.”

Shiro nodded once before we lapsed back into silence. Although we should be heading down to meet with the other Paladins, this felt comfortable; safe. I didn’t know a lot about Shiro, but he was comforting and always had an aura of protectiveness around him, and right now that was the only thing I really yearned for.

“We need to go, Nova.” He spoke up after a minute or two, breaking me out of my reverie. Grabbing my coat on the way out, I shut the door and hurried down to meet with everybody else.

The lounge was quiet, and before I was even five feet away from it the feeling of uncomfortablity radiated off of it.

“Jesus Christ,” I sighed as I walked in, glancing up at Shiro. Keith was seated on the ground where he usually was, but Lance, Hunk, and Pidge were all standing near the door.

‘What’s wrong guys?” I asked softly, but they just shook their heads. Keith’s mullet was a mess, and I knew he was pissed just from the way his jaw was set. Shaking my head, I walked out, and called over my shoulder for them to follow me.

“As usual, I’m in charge of today’s training,” Shiro was still at my side, Pidge joined me on my left and Hunk and Lance followed, Keith trudging along behind them all.

“Can we please take it slower today?” Lance begged, pushing Pidge out of the way to grab onto my arm. “You’re always so tough when it’s you who’s in charge.”

Wrenching my arm from his hand, I shook my head.

“During a real battle, Lance, you can’t ask them to take it slower. No slacking off today, either.”

Training today was the harshest I’d ever been on them, and everyone noticed. Hunk and Pidge were concerned and kept asking me over the earpiece what was wrong, but I just shot another missile and ignored them. Shiro called for a break, and because he generally knew best as leader, I had to listen. With a sigh I told them that we’d start back again in fifteen minutes, and left the control center to follow them to the dining room.

As soon as Hunk spotted me, he called for me. He was by far the sweetest, and as much as I wanted to ignore him, I smiled at him weakly and waited for him.

“Nova, what’s up?” He wa out of breath, obviously drained, and felt a pang of guilt wash over me.

Shaking my head, I replied.

“Nothing, I swear. Sorry I’ve been really harsh today, I promise that after the break I will go easier on all of you.”

Smiling, he nodded, pulling me into a hug. I smiled gratefully, happy he wasn’t prying into the situation. Hunk was definitely perceptive enough to know that something happened between Keith and I, as was everyone else, and was kind enough to leave it at that.

Walking down the stairs together, we hurried to make a snack. Pidge joined as a minute later, and with eight minutes left to spare we all ate in silence. Well, for a moment or two, that is.

“Nova,” I looked up sharply as Keith spoke. He was even angrier than before training, and I lowered my gaze.

“Can you fucking chill, please?”

Shaking my head, I threw my spork down and got up from the table. His tone felt like a cheese grater. It hurt me all-too much, especially because I’d never seen him this angry at me.

“Seems like you could do the same fucking thing.” At this point, Shiro’s hand was in front of his mouth, spork full of goo, and looking between the two of us with angry eyes.

“What,” His voice was level, firm. “Did I tell you two? Keep. It. Civil.”

Clenching my teeth as to not fling a retort back at him, I left the room, and went up to the training deck. 

When the Paladins joined me again three minutes later, Hunk rubbed a hand up and down my arm consolingly and I forced a smile. We still had three hours left to train, and everyone was exhausted.

“I’d just like to apologize for the way I was treating you guys earlier.” I stated, looking at everyone in turn. “It was unfair, and I understand that whatever problems I may be having I shouldn’t be tiring you all out like that.”

Shiro’s eyes held a bit of something -pride?- in them, and both Pidge and Lance quickly hugged me before we started again. Seeing them all in that break, sweat running down their faces and taking minutes to breath deeply again- it reminded me of Keith all those nights ago on this deck.

Looking over to him now, he had the same look. The same drive in his eyes, the same way his jaw was clenched. The same anger and frustration he used to always feel.

“Stop,” I called out. “End simulation.” The gladiator disappeared, and I just shook my head.

“What’s wrong?” Shiro called out, running over to where I stood in one of the far corners. “Is someone hurt?”

I just shook my head. When he got close enough, I spoke low, low enough so the others couldn’t hear.

“I need a break. Can you take over for about twenty minutes or so?”

He nodded, and I smiled and hugged him quick before I headed for the door. As I touched the handle, I called for everyone to listen to Shiro until I came back. Then, I ran. Down the stairs, past the lounge, outside.

I hadn’t really done all that much exploring, outside of the battles we all had as a team. Inl honesty, there hadn’t ever been an urge to go exploring, what, with Pidge being a genius and Allura knowing her own planet, there was simply no reason.

Right now, though, I wanted to go and scream. I couldn’t scream in the castle; it’d cause a ruckus and I didn’t need that right now. But this was the only way I knew how to relieve stress, besides training, but I could do that later tonight.

Walking aimlessly for about five or ten minutes wasn’t as boring as I anticipated. In the Garrison, I was always a co-pilot; they never would’ve made me a pilot because of how reckless I was when given any freedom, but I sucked at anything else. I just wanted to see other planets, and maybe even save a creature or two. I wasn’t ever as ambitious as Lance, for example, but I couldn’t have done anything else.

Sitting down, I took a look around me. Staying on your home planet makes it seem that much more boring, as you really don’t have that much to compare it to, but sitting here on Altea just makes my feelings from back on Earth all that much more validated; Earth can suck a dick for all I care, Altea was absolutely beautiful.

Taking a deep, low breath, I let out the loudest scream I think I ever have. It echoed in the empty landscape, and I think if anybody was outside they’d have come running in my direction. Smiling slightly, I took an even deeper breath and hollered, trying to get louder than the last. Giggling at this point, I tried it again and again and  _ again,  _ up until I was tired and decided I might as well head back.

When I stepped onto the training deck, I smiled at Shiro softly as I watched them spar. Sparring was always something I enjoyed, just because I was always determined to gain muscle, and I wanted to be able to defend myself in case I didn’t have a weapon with me.

“Break!” I called out, smiling sincerely as they all turned.

“Thanks, Shiro,” I murmured as I passed him, walking around to see how everyone was. Pidge was almost always at a disadvantage, because of his height and body type, but he did the most he could. Him and Lance worked well together; they both pushed each other right to the edge, and it made everything even.

Keith and Hunk were polar opposites, but it seemed like both of them had pros to their skill level or, in Hunk’s case, God-given muscle. He was bigger than Keith, but Keith made up for it in how hard he trained and how long he had been training.

“Seems like everything has been going smoothly,” I called out, squeezing Hunk’s shoulder in reaffirmation. “Thank you for letting me step out.

“For the last hour, I want to spar with you guys.” Pidge high-fived me as I passed by, and Lance just grinned widely. I didn’t ever really join in during their training, just because they were the ones fighting, not me, but just in case some improbable event happened during a battle it was nice to be able to defend oneself.

“Shiro,” I asked, looking him dead in the eye. “Want to go first?”

Lance whistled, for obvious reasons; Shiro’s at least half a foot taller than me and has more muscle than I could ever dream of having. But it’d be fun, and a challenge.

“Why not?” He smiled softly at me, and we told everyone else to sit down and watch. I’ve watched all of them long enough to know what their weak points are; for Hunk, it’s speed, Lance’s is agility. Pidge doesn’t have much girth and Keith gets very frustrated, very fast. Shiro’s had taken me a while to find out, as I didn’t pay all that much attention to him due to his seniority. It was a very subtle flaw, and something hardly anybody would notice- it’s his tendency to plan ahead. It happened when he was sparring with Keith and, because of their history, Keith knew every move Shiro was going to do next. Shiro lost that round, only after he’d lost his train of thought.

I hadn’t seen it happen since, but I knew it would apply here. Though I didn’t spar often, I was decent, which meant he knew what I could and couldn’t do. Going over a few things I had seen the others doing when I walked in or in other training sessions, I shook out my nerves and started.

“Come on, Nova!” Hunk shouted from where he was, a smile on his face. All four of them liked being able to watch me mess around, especially when they assumed I was setting myself up for failure. Oh boy, did I hope I didn’t.

I went for something easy, a low kick to his shin and, when he lowered his head, striking his upper body. He did it purposefully, I knew from the way he moved his body, and it made me shake my head.

“Don’t go easy on me,” I grinned. “I can take it. I’m a big girl.”

“Remember that when I beat you, Miss Nova,” He smiles back before going in for a fake punch, which I dodge almost easily. He trips me up, actually doing a real kick, and I hurry to get up before he can do anything while I’m on the ground.

The match continues for a while, much to the surprise of almost everyone. Shiro doesn’t look all that surprised, a bit confused, yes, as I’ve managed to have a move for everything he’d thrown at me.

“You’ve gotten better since last time,” Shiro commented, making me nod.

“I’m good at copying what I see, Shiro,” I swiftly duck, but I didn’t realize he was going in for another kick. Too slow to get up, he pins me down quickly, and I struggle to get free.

“No!” I shout, flailing my arms and moving wildly. “Jesus Christ, I hate this!”

“You told me not to go easy on you,”

I sigh as he lets me up, and I hang my head in defeat. Although I lost, I did go up pretty well against him, which surprised me and almost everybody. Almost.

I look over at Keith, sitting against a far wall, looking bored. When he catches my eye, I look away, but I can feel the blush forming. He was the one who helped me, and although he wasn’t the best teacher, I learned a few things.

“Okay! I think we have time for two more rounds; Pidge, I’ll go against you,” I pointed at him, and he nodded firmly. “The rest of you can argue who’s sparring with who.”

Keith walked out not too long after, making everyone stop what they were doing. Nobody has ever really walked out before, at least not as of recently. Sighing, I nodded at Pidge to stop and told everyone that training was done for the day. As soon as I got off the deck, I was calling Keith’s name.

“Keith!” My voice was angry, almost, and perturbed. “Keith, where the fuck are you!”

Stopping outside his door, I opened it, even though I knew he wasn’t in there. With a sigh, I let it be, and hurried down to meet with everybody else before dinner.

“Nova,” Pidge said softly as I sat down next to him. I looked up and realized everyone was looking at me. I already knew what was happening.

“You want to know what’s wrong, don’t you?” Slowly, all of them nodded their heads and, with a sigh, I thought of a way to make the issue as small as possible; it wasn’t important. It didn’t matter.

“Like I keep saying, it’s really nothing, just a fight between Keith and I.” Shiro shook his head, and my eyes flicked to his. 

He spoke quietly, speaking with a tone that was obviously trying to help me not get aggravated at his next request.

“Tell them what really happened, Nova. Stop hiding things when you obviously need help.”

Taking a moment, I looked between each of them in turn. Telling people issues I was dealing with wasn’t something I was used to, not because I didn’t have friends or because I didn’t need to; I just hated bringing them up and making them all that much bigger.

“Fine.” I took a deep breath and grabbed onto Pidge’s hand and squeezing it softly.

“Most of, if not all of you already knew this, but Keith and I were together, I suppose,” I looked down to the carpet as I explained this. It felt weird to actually talk about it.

“We broke up last night for reasons I don’t really want to go into, but like Shiro said, it’s important you all knew. And I’m sorry we kept it from you.”  _ And I’m sorry I didn’t ask Keith before telling you. _

Each of them in turn offered their own words of condolences, and I nodded along, but all I could think about was how I needed to talk to Keith and how much I hated what had happened. Without thinking, I got up and ran up the stairs to the place I thought he could be. I didn’t realize it before, but then I remembered- he never really liked staying where he was supposed to.

Practically breaking down the door, I took a deep breath as I saw him on my bed, holding onto the t-shirt.

“So it’s really over, isn’t it?” He asked softly, but there was a focus to it that was strange.

Walking over, I sat on the edge of the bed. 

“I don’t know, Keith.” I breathed. “I just can’t let you keep doing this to me. Maybe you do have feelings for me but God, man, you treat me like I’m nothing more than a fuck buddy. That might not seem like a big deal to you but, considering the fact you’re the person I’ve talked to the most in this God-forsaken castle, it’s a pretty big deal to me.”

Letting him process that, I quickly kneeled by the bed to grab a box from under my bed. A box of things; his things.

 

I shoved it on his lap, sitting back down.

“That’s everything, I think,” I muttered. “I want to stay friends but with the way you process things, I don’t think you really can just yet.”

Shaking his head, Keith exploded up, throwing the box and the shirt on the bed.

“This is bullshit!” The anger in his eyes was unmatched, his voice scalding wax and me, an unaware finger.

“God, I don’t understand this!” He ran his hands through his hair, tugging on it when they got to the ends. “I don’t know how to fix this, to- to fix  _ us _ .”

I shook my head rapidly, getting up and walking towards him, trying to make him calm down. Dealing with him when he was pure fire like this was never my forté, and I hated trying to do it when nobody else could.

“Keith, we can fix this! It’s not just you and it’s not just me! Please, listen to me, we just need to calm down. Please!”

Shaking down to his legs, he whipped his head around back and forth, back and forth, no no nono _ no. _

“I can’t.” With one final hair tug, he brushed past me harshly and let the room. Taking a moment to realize what just happened, I fell to the floor. Not crying, not shaking. Just trying to put together  _ where  _ I went wrong and  _ what _ I could’ve done better.

I skipped dinner, falling asleep where I was on the floor, and by the time I woke up it was far too late at night to be considered a decent time to get up for good.

Standing up, I grabbed a sweatshirt from my closet and threw it on, the coldness of it seeping into my bones. Then, I walked out of the still-open door and hurried to make it to the storage room to grab a weapon of some sort and running to the training deck.

The halls were eerily silent, and I could hear every creak on the steps and ever slight change in the wind through open windows. It was nice, to be honest; usually these halls were loud, bursting with energy, finally alive after centuries of being lost and forgotten.

Pushing open the door, I noticed that Keith was here earlier and he had forgotten his jacket. Padding over to it, I decided to leave it where it was, but trying to remember all the times I’d worn it just to get on his nerves, whenever I knew he wouldn’t actually get angry.

Shaking my head to attempt and clear it, I stood up and started on the simulation. Level one was already difficult for me, because I hadn’t been trying my hardest as of late to try and level up and do better, and it showed. There were at least three close calls in the next hour, all of them ending with me calling out for the simulation to end.

Closing my eyes and curling up on the floor, I punched my thigh  _ one, two, three _ , the third one being the harshest and I could already tell it would leave a bruise. 

The biggest issue with being a co-pilot for Allura meant there wasn’t any time for much else than helping the Paladins train. It wasn’t usually an issue, honestly, but every time I saw how much Pidge has progressed and how I can’t even beat level one of a simulation Gladiator- it fucking stings. Worse than that one time a hornet stung me in third grade, or the first time a friend had yelled at me.

“Nova,” I looked up to see Shiro opening the door, eyebrows furrowed in concern and confusion.

“Hey,” Weakly, I smiled at him as I stood, grabbing my sword before walking over to him.

“You can stop for today, okay?” He looked me over; my sweat drenched clothes and hair, bloodshot eyes. I looked like shit, I could tell just from the way his eyes changed, but in this moment I didn’t care.

Taking a moment to study him, the way his face is always so stern and authoritarian-looking, but right now it’s concerned and there is still sleep in the way he’s having trouble opening his eyes.

“Okay,” I sighed, nodding at him. “Thank you.”

We left the training deck a minute later, after I picked up Keith’s jacket and threw it over my shoulder to lay in front of his door later.I faintly wondered if this was what he felt like whenever he came here at night, if this feeling was why he destroyed himself. But I leaned into Shiro, reveling in his warmth, and sent up a soft thank you before shutting the door behind me.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! as of the last update the second part is going under some major changes, so keep a look out on that.


End file.
